Happiness, joy, guilt, frustration and the monarchy.
What a fekkin week. Its been short but nasty. Bank holidays always screw up my working week. I’ve had no time to update this week until today.
Easter was brilliant, the weather was fine and warm, we did some gardening (a lot of gardening actually I’m still in pain), saw the grandchildren twice; it was perfect. We spent a day with my son and his wife (fantastic meal) and the little ones. It was interesting to watch my son and daughter interact with each other and a joy to see them enjoying themselves together.
My wife pointed out that W still doesn’t often look at us when he speaks. I’ve read that this is a warning sign in small children but I’ve no idea what it means when an adult does it. Are J and I responsible for his depression by giving him an unhappy childhood? I think not. We have photographic evidence to the contrary. I know that my relationship with W was as difficult as my own relationship with my father, I had a happy enough childhood but I couldn’t do anything right after the age of 11. I didn’t look at my father either. I did begin to do it sometime around my 50th birthday. So is W’s depression my fault, did I repeat my father’s mistakes? I could have I honestly don’t know. I do know that my relationships with my other children have been slightly different but they are all quite different personalities. I’ve suffered from depression myself and I know how rotten it is. I also know how easy it is to start and think in a different way. I woke up one morning and decided that I didn’t want to feel horrible any longer. I didn’t think of suicide I just decided that I wanted to be happy. I stopped thinking about what I wanted and started to enjoy what I had. There’s a line in a Sheryl Crow song that goes something like “Its not getting what you want/ Its wanting what you’ve got” that sort of sums up the feeling. I realised that I was lucky, my life could have been a lot worse. So should I be feeling guilty about my son and his problems? On balance I don’t think so although I don’t think that I will ever know for certain. Something else to carry about in the emotional back pack.
My second son D has MS. He also has woman trouble. He has been waiting for some sign of commitment from his latest girlfriend which hasn’t been forthcoming. I understand his position. I also understand her position, she has just come out a long relationship and may not want to commit to anything. Any way instead of asking her what she wanted and wait politely for her decision he asked (or demanded it depends on who you read) for his flat key back and that’s when the fun started. She has a blog too (doesn’t every saddo). She is telling the world that she now intends to harm herself. D has faced this before with his previous girl friend. How does he attract these obsessive, dependant women? D has enough stress in his daily life without this. I think that D should concentrate on getting his own life sorted out and let the poor girl make her own mind up. If their relationship is over then its over, they should both move on. Self harm? Life is too short, grow up and get on with it.
My musical support this week has been firmly rooted in the days when the world was a happier place. I am still listening to Captain Beefheart who wrote and performed some truly odd songs with titles like “Sun Zoom Spark”, “Big eyed beans from Venus” and “Their ain’t no Santa Claus on the evening stage”. He has an impressively deep gravely voice and his gentle humour and craziness have kept reality at bay or at least at arms length this week. Well its Friday afternoon. I have the prospect of beer and gardening this weekend weather permitting (although I’ve never seen it rain inside a pub).
Oh and the head sponger is 80 today. Happy birthday your majesty! Without you we could have afforded a better National Health Service. There is a book written in 1776 by an American, Thomas Paine, called Common Sense. In it he says some interesting things about Kings, Queens and the British Constitution. On page 11 he says “The prejudice of Englishmen, in favour of their own government by kings, lords, and commons, arises as much or more from national pride than reason”. Right on Thomas old chap. It’s a good read.
Easter was brilliant, the weather was fine and warm, we did some gardening (a lot of gardening actually I’m still in pain), saw the grandchildren twice; it was perfect. We spent a day with my son and his wife (fantastic meal) and the little ones. It was interesting to watch my son and daughter interact with each other and a joy to see them enjoying themselves together.
My wife pointed out that W still doesn’t often look at us when he speaks. I’ve read that this is a warning sign in small children but I’ve no idea what it means when an adult does it. Are J and I responsible for his depression by giving him an unhappy childhood? I think not. We have photographic evidence to the contrary. I know that my relationship with W was as difficult as my own relationship with my father, I had a happy enough childhood but I couldn’t do anything right after the age of 11. I didn’t look at my father either. I did begin to do it sometime around my 50th birthday. So is W’s depression my fault, did I repeat my father’s mistakes? I could have I honestly don’t know. I do know that my relationships with my other children have been slightly different but they are all quite different personalities. I’ve suffered from depression myself and I know how rotten it is. I also know how easy it is to start and think in a different way. I woke up one morning and decided that I didn’t want to feel horrible any longer. I didn’t think of suicide I just decided that I wanted to be happy. I stopped thinking about what I wanted and started to enjoy what I had. There’s a line in a Sheryl Crow song that goes something like “Its not getting what you want/ Its wanting what you’ve got” that sort of sums up the feeling. I realised that I was lucky, my life could have been a lot worse. So should I be feeling guilty about my son and his problems? On balance I don’t think so although I don’t think that I will ever know for certain. Something else to carry about in the emotional back pack.
My second son D has MS. He also has woman trouble. He has been waiting for some sign of commitment from his latest girlfriend which hasn’t been forthcoming. I understand his position. I also understand her position, she has just come out a long relationship and may not want to commit to anything. Any way instead of asking her what she wanted and wait politely for her decision he asked (or demanded it depends on who you read) for his flat key back and that’s when the fun started. She has a blog too (doesn’t every saddo). She is telling the world that she now intends to harm herself. D has faced this before with his previous girl friend. How does he attract these obsessive, dependant women? D has enough stress in his daily life without this. I think that D should concentrate on getting his own life sorted out and let the poor girl make her own mind up. If their relationship is over then its over, they should both move on. Self harm? Life is too short, grow up and get on with it.
My musical support this week has been firmly rooted in the days when the world was a happier place. I am still listening to Captain Beefheart who wrote and performed some truly odd songs with titles like “Sun Zoom Spark”, “Big eyed beans from Venus” and “Their ain’t no Santa Claus on the evening stage”. He has an impressively deep gravely voice and his gentle humour and craziness have kept reality at bay or at least at arms length this week. Well its Friday afternoon. I have the prospect of beer and gardening this weekend weather permitting (although I’ve never seen it rain inside a pub).
Oh and the head sponger is 80 today. Happy birthday your majesty! Without you we could have afforded a better National Health Service. There is a book written in 1776 by an American, Thomas Paine, called Common Sense. In it he says some interesting things about Kings, Queens and the British Constitution. On page 11 he says “The prejudice of Englishmen, in favour of their own government by kings, lords, and commons, arises as much or more from national pride than reason”. Right on Thomas old chap. It’s a good read.
posted by danceswithwolves | 2:56 PM
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