I'm healthy! My family less so.
On Friday I spent a delightful hour or so in the company of my daughter in law having a very nice lunch. The meeting was her idea as we haven't sat down and talked for quite while. I value every moment I spend in her company, she has taste, style, imagination and charm and is, as I may have mentioned, quite beautiful. I have known her for over nine years and I love her as much as I love my children, perhaps more. Although the company, the setting and the food were sublime the conversation was much more serious.
She gave me an update on the Relate sessions then a reveiw of family life and then her own feelings and worries. I had prepared myself a little for this meeting but not in enough depth. I am so sorry for the way she she feels and I'm there for her; anything I can do whenever, whatever and howsoever I will do. Even if its just listening. As a man who has been trained to listen I can do that but again as I am a man I have to resist the temptation find a complete solution which I could do but know that I can't do (as it were) - its their problem. There were some things that I found I could not say to her for quite a few reasons - love, sentiment, sensitivity to her feelings, shock, and thats just the start. I don't intend to say them here either.
What I will say is this: their relationship and their love for each other is not dead. Many marriges have survived much worse trauma. They are both in a very unpleasant place as a direct result of actions taken by BOTH of them. If they still love each other enough then thay will find a way to repair the hurt and rebuild their lives togther with their beautifl, beautiful children. Right now I am a very worried man. As a rule I tend not to trust what people say but I do trust what they do. From my postion I have seen what they have both done to upset each other and what they have done since. My son went back to his wife quickly (just a few weeks) after they broke up. My daughter has divorce papers filed with a solicitor. My son (with my daughter's help) has obtained a more correct medication for his depression.
They have both started attending Relate. My son is very very gradually begining to come back to life but he has not yet forgiven himself. He has not started dealing with some important financial and health issues but he has made a small start. They both find talking a little easier and are discussing things more readily. My son has not yet asked my daughter for help (I think that he has to do this). Most of this is positive but there is enough negativity there to cause me concern. My son is ill and my daughter is hurt. My fear is that if my son doesn't recover or doesn't recover quickly enough my daughter will hit him with a divorce that will destroy his life forever and radically change the life of my oldest granddaughter. I am however an optomist through and through. If there is enough love left then their life can be changed, reinvented, improved, renewed - its do-able. They both have to do it. When I was thirtytwo I nearly left my wife. There were no affairs or anything I just thought that I had fallen out of love with her. The reason I am still married to that woman is largely as a result of the love she has for me, her disappointing husband, and my realisation of how valuable it is to have someone who loves you in your life. My daughter doesnt realise how valuable she is, trouble is neither does my son. Perhaps I should tell him, I will tell him, soon.
And I am by the way quite healthy. I had a quick diabetic check up yesterday. My cholesterol is 4.7 (perfect), my blood presure was 122/68 (better than the 135/73 recommended), my blood sugar a slightly elovated 6.8 (7 or below is what I have to achieve) and this is all acheived under stress! Looks like all the had work I've done over the years is helping me stay healthy. I'd better start exercising again soon.
She gave me an update on the Relate sessions then a reveiw of family life and then her own feelings and worries. I had prepared myself a little for this meeting but not in enough depth. I am so sorry for the way she she feels and I'm there for her; anything I can do whenever, whatever and howsoever I will do. Even if its just listening. As a man who has been trained to listen I can do that but again as I am a man I have to resist the temptation find a complete solution which I could do but know that I can't do (as it were) - its their problem. There were some things that I found I could not say to her for quite a few reasons - love, sentiment, sensitivity to her feelings, shock, and thats just the start. I don't intend to say them here either.
What I will say is this: their relationship and their love for each other is not dead. Many marriges have survived much worse trauma. They are both in a very unpleasant place as a direct result of actions taken by BOTH of them. If they still love each other enough then thay will find a way to repair the hurt and rebuild their lives togther with their beautifl, beautiful children. Right now I am a very worried man. As a rule I tend not to trust what people say but I do trust what they do. From my postion I have seen what they have both done to upset each other and what they have done since. My son went back to his wife quickly (just a few weeks) after they broke up. My daughter has divorce papers filed with a solicitor. My son (with my daughter's help) has obtained a more correct medication for his depression.
They have both started attending Relate. My son is very very gradually begining to come back to life but he has not yet forgiven himself. He has not started dealing with some important financial and health issues but he has made a small start. They both find talking a little easier and are discussing things more readily. My son has not yet asked my daughter for help (I think that he has to do this). Most of this is positive but there is enough negativity there to cause me concern. My son is ill and my daughter is hurt. My fear is that if my son doesn't recover or doesn't recover quickly enough my daughter will hit him with a divorce that will destroy his life forever and radically change the life of my oldest granddaughter. I am however an optomist through and through. If there is enough love left then their life can be changed, reinvented, improved, renewed - its do-able. They both have to do it. When I was thirtytwo I nearly left my wife. There were no affairs or anything I just thought that I had fallen out of love with her. The reason I am still married to that woman is largely as a result of the love she has for me, her disappointing husband, and my realisation of how valuable it is to have someone who loves you in your life. My daughter doesnt realise how valuable she is, trouble is neither does my son. Perhaps I should tell him, I will tell him, soon.
And I am by the way quite healthy. I had a quick diabetic check up yesterday. My cholesterol is 4.7 (perfect), my blood presure was 122/68 (better than the 135/73 recommended), my blood sugar a slightly elovated 6.8 (7 or below is what I have to achieve) and this is all acheived under stress! Looks like all the had work I've done over the years is helping me stay healthy. I'd better start exercising again soon.
posted by danceswithwolves | 1:27 PM
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