International Football

I don't like football. Never have. When I was at school sometime in the last century I was crap at it. I was always the goal keeper or left back. Would have been happier if I had been left back in the dressing room. Then of course I was fortunate to be born in the North East. I was born just after Newcastle United's glory years. So the local team were crap too. I never encouraged my children to play or enjoy football and thank god that worked. I never had to spend winter sunday mornings freezing my ass while my offspring ran around playing football as badly as I did.

At present the town where I live resemmbles the North West headquarters of the National Front! It gives me great pleasure when I see a broken England car flag hanging forlornly out of a dustbin or in the gutter having flapped its last. There is a joke circulating Engalnd at the moment in the form of a Highways Agency information memo warning drivers of other road users with no little or no road sense. They've identified the offending drivers by fitting a white flag with a red cross to their cars! Its the best knock against the commercialism of the world cup that I've heard so far. Things will only get worse as we slide into becoming the 51st state.

I shoudln't complain too much about football though; I've an invitation to watch each match at my friend's house he has a 50 inch TV. It just an excuse for alchol really. I went round there to watch the FA cup and got so trolleyed that I stopped watching the football and tried to chat up his wife and her cousin. I'm a complete lounge lizard after ten pints!